Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
