So drunk its hurt
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
