Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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