I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still have a little drunk in my system
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize