I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
