New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
