Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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