i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
