Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
