I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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