mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize