Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
