ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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