hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
