he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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