just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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