this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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