look no pants
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
