A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
