I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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