Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
