matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
