the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
