I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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