Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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