he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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