Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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