Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
