Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
