I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
