he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
