So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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