question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
