So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
