rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
