I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
