I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
