my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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