You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Alive.
So much puke
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
