i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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