he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
