I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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