She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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