playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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