she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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