Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
