so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
