That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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