then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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