paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In America we eat man semen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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