Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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