Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
