I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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