there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
