So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
