I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
