i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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