nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
