I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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