You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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