Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
