It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
