oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
