My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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