they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
