I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
