I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
