I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize