Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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