Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drake has all the answers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
