Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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