We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i have two assholes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
