I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize