i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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