She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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